In the Beginning....

This blog is an exploration of my intermittent sparks of interactions with God, scripture, Jesus and life. I also wanted a place to funnel thoughts, observations and musings. When I speak of God, I am not speaking to a general psychological sense, a field, source or ground of all being. I understand that God is really a very loose term today; a blanket word to define order, meaning and purpose. Most people feel more comfortable substituting God for Universe. I am not talking about that, though I understand and deeply appreciate that perspective. I am speaking about a relationship with the Living God as revealed through the prophets, and testified to by his Son, Jesus the Christ.

I thought the whole notion of God, especially Jesus, absurd. I am by nature a mystic, and my gifting leans toward the esoteric. For many years I was deeply involved in consuming occult knowledge and philosophy; I chose the left hand path.  I was an initiate in the mystery school and thought that God was the little God, the God who was manufactured to keep people enslaved in specific economic stations and appropriate the innate creativity of man. Evidence testifies to this this basic truth and most knowledge seekers and inherent spiritualists can see it. For reasons I will not detail here (but plan to sometime in the future) all that changed after I had an experience that altered the course of my life. Alone in my room late one night, the Holy Spirit swept over me during a sermon I heard on television. I yielded, asked Jesus to forgive me of my sins and be the Lord of my life; to save me. He did, and in the most spectacular way.

The morning after my conversion, I realized I knew almost nothing about the bible. I knew what I had heard or seen on television. When I read the bible previously and lightning didn’t shoot out of the clouds or anything, I left it alone. I thought it was brutish and antiquated. When I read the new Testament I thought some of the things Jesus did were really awesome: kicking out bankers, concern for the poor and a zeal for justice. But when he started talking about this life I somehow had to live to be pleasing to him, and saw the same theme threaded through other books, I began to realize that even though I considered myself a moral person, and Jesus (possibly) a good moral teacher, his precepts were too much for me to execute. How could anyone live the life God required? Instead, I pursued paths that seemed more rational and realistic. Long story short, I really didn’t know the man in the book even though I had just asked him to forgive me and gave my life to him. I knew only one thing; he was good, he was God, and he was REAL! I could not deny my experience. But I needed to know exactly what I had gotten myself into.

I went to the bible store I knew of and told the clerk behind the counter that I needed a bible. When he showed me the options I was shocked to find out that there were literally hundreds of them! Uh….? What? The clerk helped me pick out the NIV bible, and told me to start with the Book of John. When I read it after being saved, It was alive to me in ways it never was before. I actually started to understand what it was saying. I wanted to know more. My appetite was ferocious, as were my questions and my zeal for God.

Since that time I have grown in understanding and love for Jesus, my wonderful friend. I have been examining the occult, secularism, philosophical and political trends we see manifesting in the world today through the lens of his holy spirit. I was alone when I accepted the Lord and I am walking my Christian life alone. I fell away from the Church within 4 years of attending and being 'On fire for God.' Exhausted with Church politics and Christian affects, I wrongly equivocated the space and fellowship with my experience of God.  I am not antagonistic towards The Church. They are my family, my brothers and sisters in God. Fellowship is wonderful, but it lasts for a short time. Like a wisp of dust, it is gone just as quickly as it came. I am not very good at being in Church, though I see the tremendous value in it. I also don't see myself as a very good Christian in terms of what is necessary for effective evangelism and as an example of how to live in the world.


Despite all this, when I enter a place of worship with other believers it feels like coming home, and I love them merely for the fact that they believe. It's comforting to know I'm not alone, but beyond that I have difficulty relating and have tremendous anxiety about the inherent bickering over scripture and obsession over assimilating Christian culture.  I am at a place where I feel lead by the spirit of God, who engages my heart and is bringing me into deeper layers of ecstasy while reaffirming God's wonderful grace. I felt a burden on my heart to share my thoughts and experiences in a more open forum. I do not have a specific agenda, or particular audience I want to attract – I am just wondering out loud. However, I am operating off very specific foundations that are unalterable: Jesus Christ is the only way to God and through his sacrifice our sins are forgiven, we enter into relationship with him and The Holy Bible is the inerrant Word of God.

If you feel differently, I want you to know this is a safe space for you as I do understand why one does not believe such things. I really do. And I love you. I am you. I will be exploring what these truths mean, how one lives with a world view in opposition to the deluge of others that are more pliable. There will be music, art, literature, politics, theory, philosophy and the occasional musing. This is my open diary, my inner dialogue and I invite all. But I most especially invite the spirit of God, whom I hope will be inspiring many, if not all, of the content found in this blog.

Peace and Blessings, Always...